My Little Hiatus: Part Two

9:00:00 PM

It was really weird seeing my very own belongings packed so neatly into a vehicle. I was like "that's it?"

It all started off with visiting Ohio. Tuscarawas, to be exact. It is a county, which is bigger than a city. Within Tuscarawas I went to the city Dover. Why did I go there? I had a calling within the realms of my personal life. You may be wondering what I got out of all of this. During this entire process I developed a lot of self trust, and a surprising handful of experiences about historical sites, culture, and the lifestyle of Ohio. Yet last but not the very least, I learned about humanity.

You see, I had been for the longest time feeling very trapped. Living in a small bedroom of a town house style complex in the outskirts of the city of Toronto. In all the days that passed on- everyday for me was suffocating, monotonous, and filled with doubts and hesitation. I honestly was not aware of how much of a slump I was in, until I removed myself from that very spot. 

Looking back seeing now how I was operating on a daily basis for the past year or more, I can now pick out the parts of my life where I could have done things differently- and where I could have pushed to endure a little longer. Opportunities that had always been there are also clear to me now, whereas before everything felt so limited and lacking. 

I was uninspired, tired, afraid, anxious. Time felt like it was passing by too quickly, and I didn't take enough initiation to grasp the opportunities that flowed by to make the most of it. I honestly didn't feel the drive to. Physically I was fatigue, mentally I was cluttered with exhausting thoughts and fears, emotionally I was numb. Living life as a woman is hard. Living life as a man I believe is just as hard. The difference is that each gender has it's own obstacles to face, societal associations, and stigmas. 

At this point I was desperately wanting to be breaking free. Free from all of these expectations on how I should be living my life, and at which point in my life and age I should be accomplishing said milestones. I wasn't willing to admit it at the time, but my inner fears reflected within the pressures of external influences that surrounded me on a daily basis. I was ready to burst.

There would be many nights I would stay up late not sleeping, searching for an answer. What it meant to be happy, what was the definition of success, and what is love. People around me, on a daily basis would talk about these three subjects at hand. Either it was a quest to fulfill it, a declaration of defeat on how it is impossible to obtain them, or how hard it was during the journey towards reaching it. I would see it in forms of magazine articles, social media status updates, relationships, marriage, divorce, giving birth, choosing not to bear children, travelling, career, exercising...the list goes on. At the very core of it all, they broke down into a list of three things. Happiness, success, love.

It really got me wondering the past few years, asking myself "what is my definition of happiness, success, and love?" How do I figure out what those definitions are, and once I know what they are, how will I go about accomplishing it?

Then I stumbled onto many sources that provided business advice, relationship advice, as well as personal fulfillment. All of them say one constant thing. Be true to yourself. 
This sound so simple, like duh- obviously. However the act of actually being true to myself was a lot harder than I thought. Every single time there was a realization of how something, someone, or of a particular circumstance made me feel- I would soon discover there is another layer lifted to reveal a completed different dilemma I have yet to come to an understanding of within and about myself. After so many years of putting up walls, fighting, defending, disregarding, doubting, fearing...I had undoubtedly without being aware, had done many of those things to not just others but ultimately and most stealthily; toward myself. 

Have you ever spoken to a friend or a loved one, maybe even a stranger- and realized that they were in some state of deep denial? A form that blinds the truth even to themselves, preventing them to being able to face and ultimately resolve that one thing that had been causing them confusion and unhappiness in their daily lives? I had a few of those, and every single time I thought I had reached a higher state of clarity- there would be another epiphany that opened my eyes yet again.

It was definitely scary, ground shaking even, and really got me to question my core beliefs in life. I found myself breaking a lot of stigmas I had developed about the world, and the people around me as well as how I viewed myself. It got me to question the talent that resided within myself, and experiences I was capable as an individual of having in this lifetime. Taking all of this perspective into consideration, I just simply couldn't see myself living in my bedroom carrying on uninspired everyday for the rest of my life. I felt so strongly compelled to do something, to set goals, and break the reality that I had come to know and become so used to. I did something I thought was really crazy. Perhaps not to a child, but to an adult- yes. 

I dared myself to realize my deepest, most wildest desires. To not shame or justify any of it, but to fully acknowledge it, and step into these feelings to take ownership of them. 

If I wasn't going to do that now, I didn't know if I ever will. Returning back to the reality I had been living for myself for the past year or more was no longer an option. I would have never guessed it, and the world works in very mysterious ways. At the beginning of this summer I met a wonderful someone in the usa wink, wink.

The funny thing was that I had known them for quite some time. It was only recent that the idea of coming for a visit and to experience their hometown became an actual plan. Initially there were all these obstacles on how, when, and what was needed in order to make this trip possible- but just honestly sitting there thinking about it, the only thing really stopping myself were my legs. 

This may sound really funny to all of you who is thinking "well, that is quite obvious." When in fact our mentality and personal beliefs are the number one thing that really holds us down every day. So a suggestion was born, which gave birth to an idea, causing for the concept to grow into a plan which ultimately blossomed into an execution resulting from strategic brainstorming.

What started off as a wonderful and playful friendship, grew into a doorway of adventure, possibilities, and new opportunities. I was never one for considering long distance relationships, and despite my love for travelling- was always at a constant inner struggle with myself to allow myself to go fully experience it. This person I crossed paths with, became the absolute catalyst which hurled me into a whirlwind of reality shattering joy. One wouldn't think it would be much of a travel, considering Toronto Canada was simply just north east of Ohio- but what difference it makes just shifting 8 hours over to a different area on the surface of the earth. Literally. Haha. Acting on my intuition, and following my happiness really had brought me a slew of unexpected fun. The most unexpected part was, how supportive everyone around me had become.

I was sleep deprived and too hyper anticipating crossing the borders. Thank Irene and Garvin. You two know who you are!

What is in Ohio you ask? Well at first I initially thought it was a very quiet town, well- I still think it is a rather quiet town, but not in the sense of presence and personality. When I decided to Google and research into places to visit through the internet for this city, the internet absolutely did not do it justice. In fact I was rather surprised to find quite a few number of treasures in this part of the states. Remember how I had been looking for inspiration and new experiences in my past two blog entries? 

I found just that.

Imagine waking up every morning to fresh air, birds chirping, large fields of grass and forestry. Leading the day into night where right at your front porch are twinkling bright stars strewed all across the sky as far as your eyes can see. Meanwhile  toasting marshmallows and keeping cozy with a brightly lit bonfire. This has been my exact reality. Every. Single. Day. With all these words being said, I shall now commence viewing of all the photos taken. Enjoy.

 It may not look like much, but this house was actually built in the 1900s. Back when houses had a second house built in the backyard. They don't do this anymore, and the reason why it hasn't been removed is because this establishment has been "Grandfathered In". Meaning it had been built before the law of making it illegal for second houses to be built in backyards became established. How interesting is that?
The front porch balcony was in the process of receiving a fresh coat of white paint during the time I took this photo. It really brightened up the place, there are plans of repainting the green with another color but seeing as my time here in Ohio is limited- this won't be in priority within the month I'm staying here.
 I started giving a try at growing my own herbs. Great for topping off dishes or adding flavor to your cooking.

 As you can see, everything is still being established. These photos were taken during the first week I arrived.

Meet Buzz. Cutest dog I've had the chance to get to know. Yes he moved there all by himself.

 I had my very first horse shoe! It was found out in the open in one of the fields nearby, given to me by a grandpa. CLR was chosen as growing up I had always bought into the infomercial and wanted to put it to the test. I'm proud to tell you that this product really works, haha.
 Soon after we decided on spray painting the horse shoe gold. It will be placed on the door once the front porch gets a paint make over. Childhood wish list written off! Finally got to have my very own horse shoe :)

 Open cemetery that you can walk through at any time of the day, at night however I get such strong creepy vibes from this place I don't feel comfortable walking along the same side of the road. 

"D" For Dover. These lamps along with benches and street signs were kept as part of the historical proprieties considered to be the streets of Old Dover, Ohio.

Fallout shelters were bomb shelters or hide out places that were available to the people of Dover, where they could hide out in case a war broke out in the states or if a hurricane were to hit. These shelters are now open to public, in which you can have access to when you attend one of their historical tours.

Toronto took out drinking stations like this so long ago, it felt very sentimental to see one again.
 It seems like parts of an old structure was kept and built over. Wentz Building. You can read more about this building from an old newspaper article here.

I was honestly surprised that these shops allowed for kids to color their front streets with chalk. However in hindsight, it looked really welcoming and created this vivid image within my mind of children gathering around, creating very playful precious moments at this very location.
Who knew bananas were also sold in this manner?

One word. Cereal.

After visiting for two weeks, I had actually left to go back to Canada to prepare for my trip to Cuba.

I have decided to write a separate diary entry altogether for Cuba, as I have my own thoughts and opinions for the experiences that haven taken place there. So we will fast forward two weeks to when I came back from Cuba to Canada, and went back to Ohio to visit for the remainder of this summer. As of the moment I am still here in the USA visiting, and will be until the end of the first week of September 2015.

Within the month of August I had gone to Tall Timbers, it was a shame that no photos were taken due to the immense amount of fun I had and was too distracted to stop to shoot. I will however remember to take some photos when I visit again later on this month.  Life needs a bit more of that don't you think? When you get so caught up in the moment, that capturing the moment was the last thing on your mind since you were too busy enjoying it. Yeah, those kind of moments. Glamping will commence there before I leave. It will be my very first Glamping experience, so stay tuned for that! However a few days later I went to the local pool, it was really refreshing to be in the sun and nature and in a chemically clean swimming pool.

 Tried these for the first time and used it as a straw to sip slush drinks. Delicious.

Apparently cream chicken is a common and well liked food on the menu here in the states. If I were to describe what cream chicken tastes like, imagine pulled chicken cooked in what tastes like cream of chicken soup. This turns into a sloppy joe sort of mix, that goes into buns to serve.
 My hair looks completely different now doesnt it? Most of the blonde has grown out, and the pixie cut is turning into some sort of hybrid mullet bob. However I don't mind this look, it gives me character haha.

I've also been going to the laundromat to dry my clothes, as the dryer during my stay broke and there isn't any clothes line set up at the yard. Everytime I step into laundromats it always brings back childhood memories. I love the scent of fabric softener static sheets. So much that I purchased a complete mini set of perfume by CLEAN. My favourite one as you guessed it is called Clean Laundry. I will talk about my favorite type of scents and perfumes in another entry soon. It is funny how as a fashion designer, I have a past of loving laundromats, washing machines and cleaning detergents.

Sugar Creek 
For more information on Sugar Creek visit this site:

 Every hour this clock goes off, and plays music. It totally reminded me of the scene from the movie Shrek when they entered the gates of Duloc. Oh yeah, by the way- This is officially the world's biggest cuckoo clock.

Upon walking into this museum, I had the chance to blow an Alphorn. The ones in the Ricola commercials! Several people gave it a try to no avail, but when it came to my turn- I was a natural! In fact my second attempt was even more triamphant and loud. Haha I would have made a good Alphorn blower.

So this concludes my trip for Sugar Creek, as for my trip to Zoar will be continued in the next fashion diary entry. See you guys soon!

With Love,
Veruca Cyn

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